"Desire: yes: the sudden knowledge, like coming out of ‘flu’, that the body is sexual. Walking in the streets with that knowledge. That evening in the plane from Pittsburgh, fantasizing going to meet you. Walking through the airport blazing with energy and joy. But knowing all along that you were not the source of that energy and joy; you were a man, a stranger, a name, a voice on the telephone, a friend: this desire was mine, this energy my energy; it could be used a hundred ways, and going to meet you could be one of them."

-

Adrienne Rich, Re-forming the Crystal

“you were not the source”

“this desire was mine”

for the lover who made you not-bored, the lover who made you think you were boring

“it could be used a hundred ways” (and one of those ways could be feminist leaving, feminist burning bridges, queer art of failed relationships, but this energy, my energy)